Dressing and Living my Truth!

Anyway, I'm not sure how much I can say in detail, but a "quick summary" about me in Energy Profiling speak :) .......

According to Carol Tuttle's system, I am a dominant Type 2 with a secondary 1. This means I'm a soft, subtle woman but I'm also very bright and animated. If I'm not comfortable (that goes for both what I'm wearing and the situation or environment I'm in), I can't function properly.

Because of my 2-ness, I am a lot slower in my thinking and talking because I look at it thoroughly. I stay with problems longer. I ask a lot of questions because details are important to me. I gather as much information as I can get. I also GIVE a lot of information (That's one thing I've been struggling with...finding that happy medium of supplying the information without overwhelming). It's because of my attention for detail that I love editing so very much. It comes naturally to me and I understand its importance to the piece as a whole! (heh...piece as a whole....hehehe....kay sorry.)

My 1 is actually pretty strong. It's pretty entertaining--I can get SUPER hyper, but not really to the point of like running and jumping off of things....Because of my 2, I tend to be much more low-key/low-movement. This results in a sensation similar to feeling like I'm going to explode--not being able to get my energy out but needing to! Haha I think my friends enjoy watching me like that...I get really antsy and kind of twitchy, randomly saying things really loud....Yeah. It's great fun. I tend to "brain jump" as well. My thought process is so very random that it gets kind of crazy to follow :)

Because of my 2 I'm a pretty sensitive and caring person. I love to listen to others because I feel like I'm helping. I hate seeing people uncomfortable, so I do my best to cheer others up. One of my best friends says that I wear rose-colored glasses. Couldn't agree more! ^^ I have a very romantic/day-dreamer way of looking at things....Why can't everyone just be happy and loving and hope for the best and such... :) (I'm pretty sure I was a hippy in a previous life haha)

My wanting everyone to be comfortable plays a pretty big part. I tend to put others' comfort before mine. I am often a doormat in this sort of situation. If someone says things should be one way and I disagree, I usually won't press my point, even if I know I'm right.

That's me Living my Truth :)

Wow. One year later.....

So it's already been a year since I started my 90 Days.....WOW. I realized I haven't even given you my final results from last August!! 27 pounds, 33 inches.

Yeah.

WOW.

I can hardly believe it. And I'm still releasing! But the greatest thing is....I really could care less about the numbers.

I feel fantastic.

Remember that belt I told you about? I still have it, but only to make me smile. I'm now on the shortest hole of the next size smaller. Same deal with my shirts. (MUAHAHAHAHA.....)

I'm feeling great about myself--more confident than ever before. It's the greatest thing in the world to be confident in how you look and feel. I'm discovering this more and more now I'm in High School (which, by the way, is fantastic).

I'm still learning much about myself through experiences I've had at school and with friends. I'm learning what kind of things I can handle, what I'm capable of. I'm pretty strong :)

Over the summer of 2010 I went through quite a change with my appearance, and not just in my size. I started Living my Truth. Check it out, it's pretty awesome. I'm going to have to put this in a new post, because this is going to be freaking long. So :D

Kay, here you go... XD

Yes, this is for you :)

Thank you for making me smile. Thanks for making me XD

Talking to you for hours on end.....It makes even my worst days feel fantastic.

Thank you for the sweet things you tell me. They mean so much....I never know what to do except smile.

You staying up over an hour than you're supposed to just to talk to me... It makes me laugh.

If I fail my classes...It's your fault. Just sayin' :P I freaking can't concentrate because there's always something that reminds me of you and I zone out..... :]

You are so terribly sweet. I really just don't know what to do or say ^^

So thank you.

You mean the world to me :)

The Secret Keeper's Burden (Found Poem)

The Secret Keeper’s Burden

(A "found" poem from Rudyard Kipling's The White Man's Burden)

By me :]

Beware the secret keeper’s burden—

The load is not light.

To serve your friends’ need,

To wait in heavy harness,

Not knowing what may be divulged next.

Beware the secret keeper’s burden—

Promises made

Protect all that can never be told.

Friends’ open speech is binding,

Keeping captive

All you hold inside:

“Promise not to tell.”

Beware the secret keeper’s burden—

It comes at heavy price

Each secret edged with dear-bought wisdom.

“Patience will abide.”

You suffer on in pain.

Beware the secret keeper’s burden—

Cloaking weariness

For many thankless years.

Forcing easy, ungrudged support,

The favor never fully returned.

Beware the secret keeper’s burden—

To be turned to for solace

Is a gratifying thing—

To be trusted.

You dare not stoop to less

Than maintaining your friends’ confidence.

But these secrets grow,

Half devil and half child.

To my readers...This is more the extreme of how I often feel. If you're one of my dear friends that confides in me, please, don't stop. This was not meant to discourage you from telling me...only to make you aware that sometimes I can't handle it. I pull myself into your problems and take them on for myself. This "burden" gets to be too much for me and I need time to detach. So if there's ever a time that I don't want to hear it, please don't take it personally. I really do love listening to you because I feel like I'm helping. I love you all :)

Stitches

Well, that’s interesting. I could have sworn I was just on the four-wheeler… Why am I on the ground looking at the sky?

I was so confused. What had happened, and why did everyone around me look so panicked? My genius seven-year-old mind jumped right on it: It probably has something to do with my bloody forehead!

No kidding.

Yeah, but what’s the big deal? I asked myself. I really don’t feel much pain, just a slight headache. So why am I crying?

Someone was carrying me towards our cabin as fast as they could, but it seemed like they were trying to run through mud. The cabin seemed like an eternity away. I saw my mom hurrying toward me with a panicked look on her face and a wet washcloth for my forehead. I began crying harder.

I must have been crying quite loudly, because once we were in the cabin people kept shushing me and trying to get me to calm down. I wanted to tell them I wasn’t really sure why I was sobbing my heart and soul out, but no one seemed to understand me. That made me cry even harder. I could hear my dad explaining to someone how I had flown off the back of the four-wheeler and cracked my head on a rock. My cousin, who my dad was teaching how to drive, had gunned the engine before checking to see if everyone was holding on. Sadly, I wasn’t.

The nearest hospital to our ranch in Wyoming is an hour away, and I must have blacked out during the car ride there. I don’t remember a thing until waking up in the E.R. with what felt like hundreds of masked doctors surrounding me. That’s when I started panicking.

I’m dying. I though. That’s the only explanation.

One of the nurses held up a brown teddy bear. Somehow, over my renewed wailing, the nurse managed to convey that she would give me said teddy bear if I would just shut up and cooperate.

What good will that ugly stuffed thing do me in the afterlife?! I wanted to demand, but before they would even give me a chance to stop bawling, two doctors leaned forward. One was holding a numbing needle and the other held a very sharp, very long stitching needle.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I woke up a while later in a chair with my new teddy bear in my lap. I decided it was actually pretty cute. Stitches the Bear now lives on my bookshelf.

As awful as that experience was, I’m kind of grateful for it. I learned that in painful situations I am capable of putting my pain aside and thinking, even if it’s not very clearly! Another important lesson I learned: check to make sure the driver knows that you are not holding on, especially when that driver is learning to drive the four-wheeler for the first time! True, this experience has caused me to be slightly paranoid on four-wheelers, but I have become quite a safe driver because of it. Plus, who wouldn’t want a good scar story? :)

Some random thoughts...

One of the things that has been interesting is that I'm the first teen Marci has ever taken on in her program. The age range before I came in was around early 20's to 60 (our Mamma Jone!). After I started, my neighbor that was in the first group got her son into the program, too. Thank goodness I'm no longer the youngest! He's two years younger than me, and is like an awesome little brother! :) Being one of the youngest has been an interesting experience. It's like having a big family of wonderful older brothers and sisters that are constantly encouraging you and looking out for you. Every day it's "do you guys want a ride tonight? No? How about tomorrow?" "Can we do anything for you? You know we're always here!" "Anytime you ever need anything, you just give me a call!" They're all amazing and I love them so much!

One of the interesting things about being so much younger is listening to the adults in the group. Most of the women in the group are moms, and they talk about things that I was honestly shocked to hear. Talking trash about their ex, mother-type-things (well, how else do you say it??), and, with one or two, quite a bit of swearing. Not just cussing, swearing. After the shock of it wore off in about a week, I came to the sad conclusion that I have lived in a wonderfully sheltered bubble for most of my life. I have sadly gotten used to the loud and unreservedness of most of them, but the swearing still makes me cringe. Why they must use that language, I do not know.

Being one of two teens makes things really complicated. No one else in my group is going through school, and their schedules are fairly flexible, even with work. Braden and I have tight schedules that have almost no wiggle room for things like the six small meals (more on that in a second). Being in school makes this whole process even more exhaustive and confusing than it is for the others in the group.

Nutrition. My mom was lucky (strong?) enough to not have a very hard time with her nutrition changes. The hardest part for her was the intensive workouts. For the first 3 weeks, Marci had us count calories and fat. When I heard that, I was not very excited. I did that with a nutritionist, and it drove me crazy.

The workouts. Marci rightly calls them High Intensity workouts. Her theory (or can it be considered a law, since her groups are proof that it works?) is that high-intensity workouts are more effective than spending an hour at the gym. You can do a quick, intensive 20 minute workout and burn fat for 2 days. She's constantly telling us "Slow and controlled! Slow and controlled!"

90 Days... The Start to a New Life

I think most (if not all) of the people that read my blog have already been told about what I'm doing, but just in case there are a few that happen to stumble upon this.....

I am now over a third of the way through The 90 Day Mind and Body Transformation! Sounds impressive, doesn't it? :D It's an intensive (not kidding) program run by Marci Lock that educates how to exercise effectively and use proper nutrition. On top of that, and what sets it apart from other fitness programs, is that Marci works with the mind, too. She assists you in overcoming mental barriers or habits that you've formed, and educates in how a positive attitude and vocabulary can make all the difference to everything else you do. But what's so amazing about this program is that she shows you how you can make it into a lifestyle, not just finishing the program and going back to your old way of life. (That link to her website explains it really well)

My mom and I watched our neighbor go through the first group, and my mom just finished her own 90 Days in the beginning of May. Both of these amazing women had (and are having) amazing results! And results don't lie! This program works, and I have now learned it for myself! In the first week, I released 6 lbs and 3 1/2 inches. That's amazing. But it gets better! After Week 4 (last week) I found out that it has now been bumped up to 14 lbs and 9 inches. But you know what's amazing? I have come to not care about the numbers.

The week before I started, I was on the last hole of my belt. (Pretty depressing, no?) Well, I did something about it! I am now on the shortest hole, and will soon need a new belt! But it gets better (or worse, depending on which way you look at it): None of my jeans fit. Even with the belt, my pants are extremely baggy. They've gotten so bad; I can't even wear my favorites anymore! My mom got me some new capris that are a size smaller, and even after a few days they're already getting a little loose! :)

Anyway, I'll keep you updated! It just keeps getting better!

Je suis un machine de brûler gras! :D

What if, what if, what if....

I had an[other] emotional breakdown today. Kind of a freaky one.

For the last several months I've been thinking quite a bit about death. (stop freaking out, I'm not suicidal) I think it started with all the suicides and accidents happening to people my age recently. It seriously had me freaked out, but it's gotten worse.

What if something happens tomorrow?

What if I or someone I love dies tomorrow?

What if I never get to say goodbye?

What if... What if... What if....

I think one of the big reasons this has come up more recently is how many things I've realized are my last somethings. Last year in junior high, last year with all of my friends before we all go our separate ways, last voice lesson until what seems like forever, and every time I say goodbye to someone. I just feel like something is going to happen.

It's kind of an eery, ominous, foreboding kind of feeling. I feel crazy thinking about it, but what if it's a sign? What if something really is going to happen, and these are just warnings to not waste any time?

Like I said before, there have been several events that have added to this now hysterical freaking-out-ness. One of the other ones that really solidified all of these and pieced them together was reading Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. I kept thinking about what Captain Beatty said to Montag.

"This is happening to me."

"What a dreadful surprise," said Beatty. "For everyone nowadays knows, absolutely is certain, that nothing will ever happen to me. Others die, I go on. There are no consequences and no responsibilities. Except that there are. But let's not talk about them, eh? By the time the consequences catch up with you, it's too late, isn't it, Montag?"

Pretty creepy, am I right? Well, that really got me thinking. A lot. And it hit me hard today after I was coming back from my last voice lesson. I'm going back in September, but I keep feeling like this was my last one, ever. And I burst in to tears.

Darn those hormones.

So I started to voice all of my worries to my mom (lucky her!), because I had her pretty worried when I started crying with no warning. This turned out to be a pretty good idea, because she gave me some excellent advice. (Don't you love moms?)

This was my very favorite thought she gave me, and it was a HUGE relief:

• Thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to believe or accept them. They exist and come and go, but that doesn't mean that they're true or ever will be.

Byron Katie has a really amazing website/book/theory/etc. that my mom was telling me about. She has some steps you should take when unpleasant/negative thoughts come up (which I have had plenty of, lately):

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

5. Then turn it around (the concept you are questioning), and don't forget to find three genuine, specific examples of each turnaround.

An example on her website is the phrase "Paul doesn't listen to me." Here's how you do it:

1. Does Paul NEVER listen to you? (if false, skip #2)

2. Re-evaluate. Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE??

3. How do you feel when that happens? Angry, sad, frustrated, frightened... any negative emotions.

4. If you didn't have this thought, would you be happy? How would your life be better if you didn't have this thought?

5. "Paul sometimes listens to me" "I never listen to Paul" "I never listen to myself" If any of those are true, you need to re-evaluate. Put the first in a positive form, flip it around, and put it to yourself. What you'll often find is that you are often everything you claim the other is.

That's just a taste of what she teaches (which you probably didn't want to read, anyway), but I would read it on her website. It's really, really good.

Anyway, this can work for my problem, too. Yes, bad things CAN and MAY happen to me, but the idea that they WILL is false.

Obviously, this thought freaks me out and scares me to death. If I didn't have it (or, as my mom and Marci put it, "Huh. That's interesting that that thought keeps coming up. Good thing I don't have to believe it."), I would be much more relaxed and much happier and cheerful.

"Bad things never happen to me." Not necessarily true, but still more true than the other phrase. Definitely comforting :)

You don't need all the details of this chat with my mom, but I came away from it much, MUCH happier. Still kind of creeped out, but I have more time to think about it, and time to find it out for myself!

No regrets!